Complicating (Preston's Mill Book 3) Page 13

  And besides the whole physical pull he felt toward her, he liked her. He genuinely liked everything about her—her smile, her laugh, the way she was inquisitive about so many things, and how much she cared about the people around her. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she was going to be an amazing mother. Daisy was a natural nurturer, and as he looked around her apartment, he couldn’t help but smile. Her personality was everywhere. In his entire life, he’d never met anyone like her.

  “What are you smiling about?” she asked softly as she looked over her shoulder at him.

  He shook his head and felt a little embarrassed at her catching him with a goofy look on his face. “It’s nothing.”

  “Oh, come on,” she said. “You were clearly thinking about something right then. What was it?”

  Walking over and sitting down beside her, he took one of her hands in his and said, “You. I was thinking about you.”

  Her eyes went a little wide. “Me? Really?”

  Carter nodded and then tugged her gently toward him even as he lowered his head to kiss her. The instant her lips touched his, he was lost. He lived for this moment—every second he spent close to her, he wanted to touch her. All week long, every day, he thought about how much he loved this new turn in their relationship and how much he wanted to be with her. His free hand reached out and anchored into her hair, holding her to him as he deepened the kiss. Daisy melted against him.

  All too soon she pulled back, breathless. Carter rested his forehead against hers and did his best to catch his own breath. He’d told her they’d take things slow—that the decision to move forward was hers.

  Honestly, he’d hoped she’d be ready by now.

  But she clearly wasn’t.

  Not yet.

  There was definitely an intimacy between them now that hadn’t been there before, and as much as he was enjoying it, he couldn’t help but feel a little… frustrated. She’d let him stay over a couple of nights but in a strictly platonic way. He’d stayed on the couch the first time, and the next they’d shared the bed.

  Without sex.

  They’d cooked together, cleaned together, shopped together, and touched and kissed a lot. And he was afraid to ask for more because he didn’t want to spook her or have her feel like he was pressuring her.

  “So tomorrow,” she began softly, “I was thinking we could meet my parents for lunch.”

  Ugh. Talk about a mood killer.

  “Um, sure,” he replied, straightening and shifting to get comfortable. “That sounds good.”

  She snuggled up beside him and changed the channels until they came to one of those home renovation shows she seemed to favor. “Did you happen to bring any, you know… dress clothes with you?”

  Dress clothes? “No,” he said slowly. “I didn’t think I’d need to dress up for anything. When we talked about the weekend, we didn’t have any real plans. I’ve got jeans and a T-shirt. Why?”

  Daisy shrugged but didn’t look up at him. “No, it’s just that I thought we’d go to that bistro by the river that my parents like so much, and it’s a little nicer than a fast-food place that you’d wear jeans to.”

  He made a noncommittal sound and decided to just let the comment slide.

  It wasn’t the first one of its kind that she’d made in the past couple of weeks. At first Carter didn’t really give it much thought, but now that he was thinking about it, Daisy had been dropping more than a few hints about how he dressed, looked, and even about his choice of vehicles.

  The vehicle thing he’d give her. There was no way he was even considering taking the baby out on the motorcycle, and his truck really wasn’t practical for having a child either. So he’d started looking at SUVs with good safety ratings, but his bike wasn’t going anywhere.

  She talked a lot about her friends in town and what they did for a living and mentioned more than once how one of her friends in the building—Isabella or something—worked at a hair salon and how she could probably give him a trim and even help with his beard.

  Funny, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with either of those things, and at the time, he thought she was just making conversation, but now he was beginning to put the pieces together and he wasn’t liking it.

  Beside him, Daisy yawned loudly and maneuvered until her head was in his lap. Carter couldn’t help but smile because she really seemed to enjoy the scalp massages he gave her. Without conscious thought, he immediately began and forced all the negative thoughts from his mind. He was probably just imagining things anyway. There was no way that Daisy was trying to change him. She’d been fine with him for so long—after the initial shock anyway—so it was probably his own insecurities messing with him.

  Putting his feet up on the coffee table, he settled in and got comfortable and figured this too would pass.

  ***

  By noon the next day, Carter realized it wasn’t passing.

  “How about pizza for lunch?” Daisy asked as she stepped out of the bedroom after getting dressed. “I could really go for one with pepperoni and pineapple.”

  He smiled because considering how strange some of her cravings had become, that was a relatively tame request. “I thought we were going to go to lunch with your parents.”

  Daisy shrugged and walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. “It was just a thought—the bistro thing—and you said you didn’t have anything to wear so…”

  Carter walked into the kitchen and looked at her. “There are other places we could have gone. Why don’t we ask them to meet us for pizza?”

  She waved him off. “We’ll just plan on the bistro for next weekend when you can bring something nicer to wear.”

  He looked down at himself and didn’t see anything wrong with what he had on. His jeans were clean and fairly new, his T-shirt was a solid navy-blue color with nothing on it, and he had on a pair of sneakers that were also kind of new.

  “You know,” she said, smiling up at him, “the local mechanic here in Preston is always so busy. Maybe you should go and introduce yourself to him and see if he needs any help.”

  His gaze narrowed. “Why would I do that? I own my own shop.”

  She gave him a patient smile. “I know, but it’s all the way in Norfolk. I just thought you’d be interested in seeing what’s available for you in Preston, that’s all.”

  Things were starting to come together in his head, and he decided to put some ideas of his own out there. “It’s funny that you mention that.”

  Her smile grew, and she looked up at him expectantly. “It is?”

  Nodding, he said, “Because the library in Norfolk is huge. They’ve got about six branches, and they’re all way bigger than the one here. With your knowledge and experience, I bet you could get a job with them with no problem at all.”

  That smile instantly fell and was replaced with a look of mild annoyance. “But I already have a job here,” she said. “I’ve been with the library for a couple of years now.”

  “And I own my shop in Norfolk and have for around five years,” he countered, feeling more than a little defensive.

  They stood there in silence for a solid minute before Daisy spoke again. “Carter, I’m sure your shop does just fine, but we’ve been talking about… you know, a future. Raising a child together. I just think it would be better for that to happen here. In Preston.”

  “Better for who?” he asked, and this time he was definitely defensive. “I get that you’ve lived here your whole life, but it’s not the only place in the world to live, and it certainly isn’t the greatest place in the world!”

  Old insecurities began to reemerge, and he could feel the tension in his body as he spoke. It was one thing to think what he had to offer wasn’t good enough, it was quite another when it was being confirmed right to his face.

  Your mother didn’t want to live that life in Norfolk. Why should Daisy be any different?

  He was about to speak, but Daisy beat him to it.

  �
��This is a wonderful place to raise a child. We have excellent schools here, and the small-town setting is perfect because it’s quiet, and you know your neighbors and… and… it’s not as loud and run-down and smelly as the city.”

  The bark of laughter that came out couldn’t be helped. “Smelly? Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”

  Your mother hated it. Why are you so surprised?

  He wished his inner voice would shut the hell up.

  Daisy crossed her arms over her chest and nodded. “I am. And I get why you don’t notice it because what you do fits right in with that environment.”

  His eyes went wide. “Now you have a problem with my being a mechanic? Do I have that right?”

  With a weary sigh, Daisy dropped her arms and walked past him to go into the living room. “There’s nothing wrong with what you do, Carter. You’re just… different from people around here.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” he said snidely. “You haven’t introduced me to a whole lot of people around here.”

  She gave him a pointed look that spoke volumes. “Maybe if you went to work at a car dealership, you could be on the sales end of things.”

  Now he stalked after her and had to fight for a little self-control. “I don’t want to work on the sales end of things,” he said loudly. “This is who I am, Daisy. I’m never going to wear a suit and tie to work. Hell, I only own one suit, and you saw me wear it to Chris and Heather’s wedding.” Muttering a curse, he turned and paced away before turning back toward her. “All along—at least since you found out you were pregnant—you’ve known that this is who I am. I’m a mechanic. I live and work in Norfolk. And all of a sudden, you’re having issues with it. Why?”

  She nervously looked away.

  “Daisy?” he prompted with annoyance.

  “Okay, fine,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “I want this to work, Carter. I do. But it’s just that you’re so…”

  “So… what?” he demanded even though he had a pretty good idea what the answer was going to be.

  “It would just be easier if you tried harder to fit in around here,” she said, her voice going slightly stilted. “It would make things so much… easier.”

  He held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t,” he said. “Just… don’t.” Without much thought, he walked over and grabbed Teddy’s leash and put it on him and stormed toward the door and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

  All of his things were still inside the apartment, so it wasn’t as if he could just leave and go home, but he knew he needed to step away from the argument before they both said things they couldn’t take back.

  Shit.

  Carter was a confident man—always had been. Well, he had learned to be confident. Growing up—especially after his mother had left—he hadn’t been. But thanks to his father, Carter had grown to be a person who believed in himself and someone who went after what he wanted no matter what obstacles stood in the way. He believed in himself and the power of being able to do anything he put his mind to.

  But from the moment he met Daisy, he had been aware of all the ways they were different. And his confidence had wavered a bit.

  He walked down the stairs and out the door and started down the paved path toward the sidewalk, his mind still reeling from what had just happened. It didn’t take long for him to realize exactly why he was so upset.

  He wasn’t what she wanted.

  The piercing pain in his chest at that realization had him faltering in his steps.

  Just like his mother had been able to walk away because he wasn’t enough, Daisy might end up doing the same thing.

  “Carter.”

  He turned and saw Chris walking toward him. He was carrying a couple of grocery bags and had a big smile on his face. Carter did his best to smile back, but he knew it fell flat. “Hey, Chris. What’s up?”

  “Just picking up the makings for some sandwiches for lunch. How are you doing?”

  He shrugged. “Just getting Teddy out for a walk.”

  Chris looked at him and then the dog and chuckled. “I still think you should have given that poor dog a manlier name—like The Rock or Thor.”

  That had Carter laughing with him. “Yeah, but deep down he’s just a big teddy bear so…”

  Chris nodded. “So things going okay? Daisy feeling good?”

  “Yup.”

  Silence.

  Shifting the bags to one hand, Chris studied him. “You know, I’m no genius here, but I can tell something’s up. Want to talk about it?”

  He didn’t. What Carter wanted more than anything was to just get in his damn truck—that he loved—and go back to Norfolk and just sulk. But he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, and it certainly wouldn’t solve anything. With a weary sigh, he raked a hand through his hair and said, “I’m not what she wants.”

  To his credit, Chris’s expression didn’t change. “How do you know?”

  Carter told him about their conversation and all the comments that had been coming up for the past few weeks. “Like you just said, I’m not an idiot either. She’s clearly looking for me to change—to morph into someone who fits into her world, and that’s not me. I like my job, I like the life I’ve created, and I like the man that I am,” he said defensively. Again. “I’m not asking her to change, am I? You think I envisioned myself with a small-town librarian? Hell no! But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s the girl I fell for.”

  “Have you told her that?”

  He shook his head. “Dude, I have been walking on eggshells for months now—afraid that I’ll do or say something wrong. But it seems like it doesn’t matter what I do or say because at the end of the day it’s who I am that’s the problem.”

  “Shit, Carter. I don’t even know what to say to that.”

  “There’s nothing you can say. This is just something Daisy and I are going to have to deal with, and the end result isn’t going to be anything either of us wants.”

  “That sounds pretty freaking depressing. What are you going to do?”

  “I can’t change who I am, Chris. I can move here to Preston, I can get a haircut, but I’m still going to be me.” He shrugged. “I’ve been fighting for something that’s never going to be. So rather than having me keep forcing myself to believe that it’s all going to work out and shit, I have to deal with the fact that she was right from the beginning. We can co-parent, but we can’t be more than that. I would never ask her to change who she is. I just wish she felt the same.”

  Chris muttered a curse, and beside them Teddy had done his business and was slowly pulling Carter back toward the building.

  “I need to go,” he said. “I should head back to Norfolk and just… just let Daisy off the hook with all my shit.”

  “You know a lot of this could just be nerves from the pregnancy, right?” Chris asked.

  But Carter shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. I think Daisy’s known all along what she wanted, and she was willing to settle for someone like me because she didn’t have a choice. So I’ll make the decision for her. I’m not walking away from this baby, but… I won’t push her for anything else. Who knows, maybe someday she’ll meet her Mr. Right and be happy. That’s all I want for her. She deserves that.”

  They stood in silence for a moment, and Carter pulled his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling for a number.

  “You’re not going to call her and just leave, are you?” Chris asked.

  “No. I’m ordering her a pizza for lunch like she wanted and making sure it will be delivered. Then I’ll grab my stuff and go.”

  “Carter…”

  “Trust me. This is for the best.”

  Fifteen minutes later, he was walking back out to his truck with Teddy beside him. Daisy hadn’t argued with him when he said he thought it was best if he left. They didn’t mention what they had been discussing, and they didn’t talk about when he’d be back. If anything, he felt that she knew—they’d always been a little in tune
with each other like that.

  He’d kissed her on the forehead and simply said he’d talk to her later. And he would. They’d go back to texting and talking on the phone, but this new schedule they’d tried was clearly a fail. She was probably relieved to not have to deal with him or have to make excuses for him to her friends and family. Hell, most of them were probably going to be relieved to not have to see him too.

  And just the thought of that stung.

  He was a good man. An honorable man. The only thing he was guilty of was wanting to make this little family work.

  And he couldn’t blame Daisy because in her own way, that was what she was trying to do too. They were just coming at it from different angles, and it was like trying to put the square peg in the round hole. It just didn’t fit.

  They didn’t fit.

  As he pulled away from the apartment building, he felt such an overwhelming sense of loss. And as he drove through the town, he saw it through different eyes. It wasn’t a bad place to live. It was actually quite nice. And maybe at some other point in time, he would have actually appreciated it.

  But right now the only way he wanted to see Preston was through his rearview mirror.

  Thirteen

  “Didn’t you think he was, like, smoking hot?” Chloe asked.

  Daisy was sitting on the couch, both hands curved around her belly. For the past five days, ever since Carter had left in a way that clearly signaled something was wrong, she’d been feeling sick and depressed.

  Now she was feeling sicker than ever—kind of woozy and feverish. Emotions could really screw up one’s physical well-being.

  She sighed and answered her friend’s question. “Of course I did. I mean, we had sex the first time we met. It was like we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

  “So you like how he looks?” Chloe prompted. She was putting up the dishes that had been sitting in the dishwasher now for two days.

  Daisy never left chores undone like that. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. Carter shouldn’t have been so important to her that his absence made everything fall apart for her. “Yes, you know very well that I like how he looks.”