Fooling Around Read online

  “Fuck, Julie,” Eric gasped, holding the flesh where her thighs met her bottom so hard it almost hurt. “You’re almost there. Come for me. Just like that.”

  She cried out again as the sensations broke at the sound of his voice. Her whole body shook as the pleasure washed over her. She was coming down as Eric’s grunting grew faster and louder. She was clear enough to see his face as he let himself go.

  When the spasms had all worked themselves out, he pulled her into his arms. They lay together in a sated, exhausted heap, and it felt almost as good as the orgasm had.

  He held her like he needed her. Like he never wanted to let her go.

  Eventually, she had to pull off him so they could take care of the condom. She got up to throw it away and go to the bathroom. Then she came back to the room to get her chemise and pull it on over her head.

  She was considering whether she should go sleep in her own room, since Maddy was in the house, when Eric reached out to pull her toward him. “Oh, no, you don’t. Get back in bed with me.”

  There was no way she could refuse him. Nothing inside her wanted to refuse him.

  She turned off the light and nestled beside him, wishing she could go to sleep this way every night.

  That was just a fantasy.

  But a few of her fantasies had already come true. Maybe they weren’t as impossible as she’d always believed.

  —

  She woke up at just after five the following morning.

  It took her a minute to orient herself, but soon she remembered what she was doing in bed with a big, naked man who was sound asleep, breathing deeply, one arm hooked up above his head.

  She smiled down at him in the dark.

  She wanted him just as much this morning—asleep like this—as she had when he was smart and sexy and taking her clothes off.

  But things were too complicated, and she wasn’t going to indulge her feelings so much that she ended up crushed at the end of this.

  She was glad she’d been brave last night. She wouldn’t have missed their time together for the world.

  But that didn’t mean everything had changed.

  Remembering Maddy, she decided it was better to get out of his room before the girl woke up. She carefully slid out from beneath the covers and was starting to put her feet down when a hand suddenly grabbed her arm.

  She gave a little squeal of surprise.

  “Where are you going?” Eric asked.

  “I’m going to my room.”

  “Why? Are you starting to be smart and careful and responsible again, thinking about all the complications?”

  “Maybe,” she admitted. “But mostly I don’t want Maddy to see me coming out of your room. I don’t want to confuse her.”

  “Oh.” He paused. “Good point.”

  “It’s still early. You can get some more sleep. I’ll see you later.”

  She was about to get up when he hauled her down toward him and gave her a hard kiss. “Are we still pretending this never happened?” he asked.

  “That’s probably best.”

  “Okay. But are you going to come to me at night again, while we’re pretending it never happened?”

  “Maybe,” she admitted, giving him a quick little kiss before she pulled out of his grasp. “We’ll see.”

  She couldn’t really see his face in the dark, but she was almost sure he was smiling.

  —

  A few hours later, they were all in the kitchen and Julie was making pancakes.

  Eric was drinking coffee, listening to Julie tell Maddy about some of the history of the Outer Banks as she flipped the pancakes. Maddy was listening with wide eyes and asking intelligent and unexpected questions about the lost colony on Roanoke Island and Blackbeard the pirate on Ocracoke.

  He hadn’t known half the details that Julie was explaining, but he was more focused on the look on his daughter’s face and the smile on Julie’s.

  She really loved Maddy. He could see it on her face. It made a deep feeling tighten in his chest.

  “How do you know all this?” Maddy asked at last, taking the plate of three pancakes that Julie offered her and then picking up the bottle of syrup.

  “I’ve read about it.”

  “Why did you read about it?”

  “I studied history in school.”

  “In college?”

  “Yes, in college and then in graduate school. I majored in history and then got my master’s and then I started my PhD. I specialized in North Carolina history.”

  “Oh. Wow. So you know a lot about it, then?”

  “Yeah. I know a lot.”

  “Why did you just start and not finish?”

  It was a perceptive question, which was characteristic of his daughter. Eric was curious about how Julie would answer.

  “I got really busy and didn’t have the time and energy to write my dissertation.”

  “What’s a dissertation?”

  “It’s like a long book on everything you research when you do your PhD.”

  “Can you finish it now?”

  “I could. Maybe.” Julie’s face was slightly wistful, and he couldn’t help but wonder why she was so reluctant to go back and finish her degree. Maybe it wasn’t something she really wanted to do. Or maybe she was just scared.

  “It’s good to finish things that you start,” Maddy said soberly.

  Julie’s face relaxed into a smile. “I know it is. I want to finish. I just have to…get back into it. If you stop something for a long time, you lose the momentum, and then you wonder if you can actually do it. Sometimes it’s hard to see that it’s worth it.”

  “Oh.” Maddy took a moment to consider this quandary. “Why did you want to do your dissertation anyway?”

  “I have to write it to finish my PhD.”

  “Why do you need a PhD?”

  “Because you have to have one to get a job teaching college at the kind of college I want to teach at.”

  “Oh. Then you should finish it.”

  Julie sighed and smiled again. “I know I should. Maybe when I stop working for your daddy.”

  She’d passed a plate of pancakes to Eric, and now she dropped her head as she put some more batter in the pan to make her own. Her hair was hanging down over her face, the way it did when she felt self-conscious, uncomfortable.

  And Eric remembered that the PhD was another one of those fantasies for her, the ones she secretly believed could never come true.

  That was what held her back, what had always held her back.

  It didn’t seem like a realistic goal for her. It felt like only a dream.

  Eric wanted her to have it, to attain that dream, to know for certain that she could cross the boundaries she’d always set for herself.

  He wanted her to have everything she’d dreamed of—just because she wanted it, just because she was Julie.

  It was a startling thought and one he wasn’t really prepared for. He’d never felt that way about a woman before. Not even close.

  Julie looked over at him just then, her slanting gaze quietly searching. He managed to smile at her and was pleased when she smiled back.

  It felt like they had a little secret.

  They did have a secret.

  Maybe it was wrong, but it was the best thing he had going in his life—other than Maddy—and he wasn’t going to give it up.

  Not yet, anyway.

  —

  Trish arrived after lunch to take Maddy home. She was a little earlier than they’d expected, so Maddy was still down by the beach, where she’d gone with Julie to pick out some seashells to give to her mother.

  Trish didn’t look happy about her daughter’s absence, but she didn’t complain. As usual, they were both extra careful not to cause any unnecessary conflict between them.

  Almost nine years ago, Eric had gone to a trendy bar with some friends, and he’d ended up drinking too much. He’d hooked up with Trish, who was attractive and had come on strong. Both of them had been t
oo drunk to be careful, and so they’d ended up with Maddy.

  It had been a mistake, but it wasn’t one that Eric regretted. He wouldn’t have wanted to know what his life would be like without Maddy.

  Trish had come up to the main floor of the house, so he rolled over to the windows to look out toward the beach. “They should be back any minute,” he said, repeating what he’d told her before.

  “Okay. That’s fine.” Trish walked over to stand beside him and look out at the view of sand dunes, sky, and ocean. The beach itself was hidden by the dunes, even at this height. “Did she have a good time?”

  “Yes, I think so. And she was feeling good the whole weekend.”

  “She had a bad headache on Thursday, before she arrived.”

  Maddy was getting them almost once a week now, which was significantly more often than she used to. The knowledge made Eric feel heavy and sick.

  But they had another treatment to try. Maybe this one would work.

  He was distracted from his thoughts by the appearance of Julie and Maddy on the walkway that led over the dunes and to the house. Even from a distance he could tell that both of them were smiling. Maddy carried a bucket that was evidently filled with seashells, and Julie’s hair and cover-up were blowing in the breeze.

  She was beautiful. And she was Julie. He wanted her now even more than ever.

  “So she’s your assistant, is she?” Trish asked, a slight tinge of irony evident in her voice.

  He looked at her sharply. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I can see how you’re looking at her. I’m not blind.”

  He hated the thought that he was so easy to read, that his feelings were so obvious. It made him feel weak and vulnerable, so he reacted accordingly. “Maybe you’re not blind, but you obviously have an overactive imagination. She’s my assistant.”

  “I hope she stays that way.”

  “I don’t see that it’s any of your business.”

  “Of course it’s not,” Trish said, sounding almost tired as she looked back out the window. “You can do what you want, as long as it doesn’t hurt Maddy. I just…didn’t think you were the kind of guy to hit on an employee.”

  He didn’t think he was one of those guys either. He still didn’t.

  “You don’t know the situation,” he said, keeping his voice low and controlled.

  “It doesn’t matter whether I know it or not. If you’re sleeping with her, then you’re taking advantage of her, and that’s not like you.”

  “If both of us want it, how exactly would I be taking advantage of her?” He hadn’t really meant to ask the question, to reveal as much as he had, but he needed to know the answer, since the question had sent shivers of worry through him.

  Just last night he’d been inside her, she’d taken him in her mouth, they’d brought each other to release, they’d shared a lot more than their bodies.

  He couldn’t believe anything was wrong with it. He hadn’t made a move on her. She had come to him.

  “Are you kidding me?” Trish asked, looking genuinely surprised. “This job is important to her, isn’t it?”

  “Not really. It’s just three months, and I had to talk her into it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re paying her a lot, aren’t you? Is that money important to her?”

  Of course it was. He knew it was. He’d realized the other day just how much a million dollars would mean to her, even though it wasn’t all that much to him.

  “See?” Trish said, not waiting for his answer. “She has a lot at stake in this job. Think about how hard it would be for her to lose it. Is she really capable of making a truly free decision about whether she wants to have sex with you or not? Isn’t it possible that a little part of her is wondering whether, if you’re not happy with her, you’ll just go ahead and fire her?”

  Eric shook his head and made an annoyed face, mostly to end the conversation. But he kept going back to her question in his mind.

  Maybe Trish was right. Maybe there was a part of Julie that was genuinely afraid for her job, that didn’t want to lose the money he’d offered her, money that would change her whole life.

  He was still sure she had been into the sex, but maybe she would have made a different decision had she not been working for him.

  He hated the thought. He hated it. He couldn’t stand to let it linger in his mind.

  But it just wouldn’t leave.

  Trish had evidently been watching his face, because she said in a different tone, “Oh, wait. You have feelings for her.”

  He stiffened. “What?”

  “Maybe it’s not what I was thinking. I didn’t realize you were serious about her.”

  “Did I say I was serious?”

  “No, but you were looking…I don’t know.” She gave him an amused smile. “Maybe even you can grow up.”

  He narrowed his eyes, resenting the condescending implication, but he was too distracted by thoughts of Julie to follow up on his annoyance.

  He’d never thought about his feelings for Julie. They were just trying something out, having a good time, letting it go wherever it went.

  He didn’t like the idea of his taking advantage of Julie, but his emotional response to Trish’s assumption that he’d fallen in love with Julie for real was even more uncomfortable. His first instinct was to like it—like the idea of having Julie in every way, being with her forever—but then immediately following came a wave of deep fear.

  He’d committed to Maddy a long time ago, and nothing in his whole life had been harder. He couldn’t deal with anything more. He couldn’t leave himself vulnerable to Julie, not when there was no guarantee of his making things work with her.

  Maddy had already broken him as far as he would let himself break.

  He resolved then and there, looking out at Julie approaching the house with his daughter, that he was going to be more careful with her, with his feelings for her.

  She would be working for him for six more weeks. He couldn’t let himself fall any harder.

  Already she had the power to hurt him—deeply. He couldn’t give her any more. That wasn’t who he was. That wasn’t what he did. He always stayed in control of things, so he’d make sure to stay in control of this.

  He wanted to be with her again already. He wanted her, right now, in his arms, in his bed, but he was capable of controlling himself better than that.

  If he could have sex with her and keep things casual, then that was fine. But if he couldn’t, then he better not have sex with her again at all.

  Chapter 12

  For Julie, coming back to Charlotte after two weeks at the beach was like waking up from a dream. A warm, fuzzy, delicious dream that broke into the cold, bleak reality of the morning.

  It didn’t happen all at once, though.

  They could have stayed in the Outer Banks a few more days, since Eric’s appointment with the doctor wasn’t until Wednesday. But after Maddy left with her mother on Sunday, Eric decided he wanted to head back.

  They got home late on Sunday evening. Eric spent most of the trip on his phone. And Julie kept getting more and more worried, as he wasn’t meeting her eyes and he wasn’t smiling at her the way he’d been doing.

  Maybe he was regretting their time together last night. Maybe he was trying to give her a hint.

  This morning it had sounded like he wanted to have sex again, but he might have changed his mind after thinking about it more.

  Which was fine.

  It was smarter not to do anything else, since it could seriously jeopardize her ability to work for him. She wouldn’t have minded if they’d come to the decision to not have sex again. But she didn’t like that he was acting so cool and distant, without any clear explanation for the shift.

  Kristin wasn’t at the penthouse when they arrived, since they’d come back earlier than expected. So Julie went into Eric’s bedroom to unpack his stuff and get him organized again. Eric was in there too, but he was working on his pho
ne, and he barely seemed conscious of her presence.

  It was fine. It was all fine. Julie wasn’t going to let it bother her unduly.

  Looking for some sort of conversation to get back to a natural mood between them, she said lightly, “Hopefully the doctor will be happy with the improvement when you go back on Wednesday.”

  It was one of those normal, empty things that people said to make conversation. A typical response would have been to agree and add another comment to the conversation. But Eric just looked up at her, his eyes strangely cool.

  She swallowed. “I’d think the blood test will be better, since you got a lot of rest while we were there and you were eating better.”

  “Yeah.”

  Well, that wasn’t a very helpful contribution to the discussion. She studied him discreetly, trying to read in his expression a reason for his change in attitude.

  Just last night he’d been so warm and tender and passionate. And nothing at all had happened since then to change that.

  Still trying to get back to something normal, she added, “You should try to use your crutches some this week. It’s been almost two months now since your surgery, so you can definitely start moving around on them more.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “I know they’re a pain, but you really need to—”

  “I said I don’t want to. Leave it.”

  Julie actually gasped at the icy, cutting tone.

  Eric grumbled and grouched and snapped at people a lot. He’d done all of those things with her. But his tone now sounded different. It sounded like he couldn’t be bothered to talk to her at all.

  It wasn’t like him. At least, not the Eric she’d come to know.

  She spent a moment talking herself down from the pain his response had provoked. Then she schooled her expression and smiled mildly. “All right. We can wait to see what the doctor says.”

  She took some of his clothes into the closet, relieved that she wouldn’t have to be around him for a few minutes.

  Maybe he was just in a bad mood.

  Maybe he was just getting really worried and upset about Maddy again.

  Maybe this was normal for him, and she didn’t really know him well after all.