Bay Song Page 19

  She could see that he meant it, that he desperately wanted to do the thing that was best for her—no matter what it was.

  She’d never trusted anyone the way she trusted him—no one but her mother.

  She smiled and stretched up to kiss him. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For caring about me.”

  “Well, I do,” he said, his expression softening into that tender look that took her breath away. “So what do you want to do?”

  Never in her life would she have believed she’d agree to something like this, but she heard herself saying the words, “Let’s stay here tonight.”

  That evening, Holly watched as Cade got under the covers with her.

  He wore nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, and she was wearing his shirt, which was long enough to be like a nightgown for her. They hadn’t brought clothes to stay overnight, so they were having to just make do.

  She felt a lot better now than she had earlier. She wasn’t scared anymore, and she felt closer to him than ever. They’d stayed in the gardens until late afternoon. Then he’d taken her to the beach near the lighthouse, where her mother had gone during college, to greet the backside of the bay. There were a lot fewer people on the beach than earlier in the day, so they could spend a little time. They’d watched the sunset together.

  Then Cade had driven them to a nice hotel in Virginia Beach. It was a high-rise on the main beach strip with a fantastic view. They’d ordered room service and taken showers before bed.

  It had been a different day than any she’d ever had in her life, but it hadn’t been bad.

  She was happy in a completely unexpected way as she watched Cade get into bed with her. She felt like she’d accomplished a victory she’d never expected to achieve.

  She smiled at him as he stretched his big body out beside her.

  “How do you feel?” he asked.

  “I feel fine. Really. Obviously, I like home better, but this is actually kind of nice. Maybe I don’t have as many neuroses as I thought.”

  He frowned. “Don’t say that.” He didn’t want her to be insulted—not even by herself.

  “Okay,” she said, giving him a teasing look. “I do have as many neuroses. What was I thinking?”

  Chuckling, he reached out and drew her into a soft hug. But his tone was serious as he said, “Anyone would have some lingering issues after the way you were raised. But maybe you just needed to try it out, prove to yourself that you aren’t actually trapped on that one little piece of land.”

  “Maybe.” She wasn’t sure about that. She wasn’t sure about a lot of things.

  She ran her hand across his chest, stroking the rippling muscles and firm flesh, playing with the scattering of hair.

  “Are you scared and not telling me?” Cade asked after a minute. One of his hands had tangled in her hair.

  She turned her head up toward him. “No. I’m really not. This room is kind of… barren. It doesn’t feel as… as full as home. But it’s not bad.” She smiled and pressed a soft kiss on his chest, her hair falling down over his skin. “I like to sleep with you.”

  “I like to sleep with you too.” His tone had changed, and she recognized the reason.

  “Do you always think about sex?” she asked, partly teasing and partly curious.

  He lifted his eyebrows in a lofty expression. “Of course not. But when I’m in bed with you, and you’re wearing my shirt, you can hardly blame me if my mind drifts in that direction.”

  “And what direction is it drifting?” She slid her hand down from his chest until she was massaging him over his underwear. He was starting to get hard, and he hardened even more under her hand.

  He leaned over to kiss her, murmuring just over her lips, “What do you think?”

  She reached up to wrap one arm around his neck as he rolled over on top of her, deepening the kiss. They stayed that way for a long time until Holly’s whole body was humming and Cade was fully erect between their bodies.

  When he finally lifted his weight off her, he gazed down at her body hungrily, even though she still wore his shirt.

  “What is it?” she asked, genuinely wanting to know. “What is it about my wearing your shirt that’s such a turn-on?”

  “I don’t know.” He slowly pulled the shirt up, exposing her naked body. “Some sort of primitive claim of possession, I suppose. It’s instinct.”

  “You think you have a claim of possession on me?”

  He grew still, his eyes moving from her breasts and back up to her face. “Not really. I know you don’t want to be claimed. It’s just the shirt thing. It’s symbolic. That’s why it turns guys on.”

  She understood why he was being careful, but she missed the heat she’d seen a moment ago in his eyes. Pulling the shirt all the way over her head, she tossed it on the floor. “You know, to tell you the truth, I don’t know if I’d really mind.”

  “Mind what?”

  “Being claimed by you.”

  The heat returned—even hotter this time—and it was combined with something like awe. “Is that right?” he rasped.

  She pulled his face down toward hers. “Just symbolically, you understand.”

  “I understand.”

  Something had changed in him as he kissed her this time, like a fetter had finally been snapped. He was hungry, urgent, passionate, and Holly felt the same way, clawing at his back, trying to get him even closer.

  Maybe it was just the aftermath of the fear and adrenaline of before.

  Or maybe it was real.

  Eventually Cade started to move down her body, kissing a path to her breasts. It felt as good as it always did, and she started to press up into his mouth. Instead of letting herself moan as she usually did, she bit her lip, strangely self-conscious at being in a hotel.

  He was suckling her breast and stroking her thighs, and she was clutching at the bedding, fighting the instinct to tighten up—when he lifted his head and asked, “Why are you so quiet?”

  “We’re inside.”

  “Who cares about that?”

  “It just… I don’t know… feels different.”

  “Okay.” His eyes traveled hungrily over her face and naked body. “But don’t stay quiet on my account.”

  She laughed. She couldn’t help it. And that loosened her so much that when he started fondling her again, she couldn’t hold back a low groan. He was smiling as his face moved even lower, and she gasped when he nuzzled between her thighs.

  She opened her legs for him, her arousal throbbing almost painfully, and there was no way she could keep quiet once he started to tease her with his tongue.

  He brought her to the peak of climax and then back down. Then he slid two of his fingers inside her and lowered his mouth to her clit.

  She was sobbing loudly, helplessly, as she came around his fingers and mouth.

  Still panting raggedly, she pulled him back up her body so she could hug him, unable to speak immediately afterward. He returned the hug and kissed her tenderly, and she could taste herself on his lips and tongue.

  She held him as tightly as she could, realizing that this man was everything she needed, everything she’d never known she wanted, more than she could possibly deserve.

  He might have spent his life being careful, staying on guard, acting with his head and not his heart, but he was letting go with her, showing her his real self, giving whatever he was able to give.

  It was real. She could trust it.

  He was real. She could trust him.

  And maybe her entire world wasn’t dictated by what happened to her mother twenty-five years ago.

  She didn’t want it to be. She wanted something of her own.

  And she wanted that something to be Cade.

  So she heard herself saying, before she even thought it through, “I want more, Cade.”

  He pulled up slightly, raising his eyebrows. “You want me to do you again? I can—”

  “No!” She was laughing and
hugging him at the same time. “I want more.” She reached down to slide her hand into his underwear, taking him in her fingers.

  She felt him grow very still as he must have realized what she was saying. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I want to.”

  “You said when you did it before, it felt like a violation. I don’t want you to ever feel like I’ve violated you, Holly.”

  Despite the smoldering fire in his eyes, in his body, she knew he meant it. He would hold himself back—for however long he needed to—if it meant not hurting her.

  Before Cade, she’d never known a man was capable of holding back like that.

  “I don’t think it will feel that way this time,” she told him, completely open, holding nothing back. “I let you inside me when I told you about my mother, and that didn’t hurt. That… that made things better. I want to let you in with this too. I really do. Do you want to?”

  He released a muffled groan and kissed her desperately, which she figured was answer enough.

  “Hold on,” he said after a minute, rolling off her body and then out of the bed. He limped over to his pants and reached into the pocket, coming back to the bed with a condom packet.

  She didn’t wonder or question why he had it with him. She just pulled him down on top of her again.

  They kissed for another minute, and then he opened the packet and rolled it on. He was stroking her thighs, opening them farther, as he knelt between her legs. His eyes were focused on her groin.

  “You’re really okay with this?” he asked, his voice very thick.

  “Yes. More than okay. I want to so much.”

  “Me too. But you have to tell me if you don’t like it. Hopefully, it will be different this time.”

  She met his eyes. “It will be. I know.” She reached out for him, and he lowered his body over hers. Using one hand, he lined himself up at her entrance, slowly working himself in.

  It was tight—very tight—and Holly had to breathe deeply, reminding herself that this could end anytime she wanted. She wasn’t trapped here, beneath his body. Cade would move if she asked him to. He would never hurt her. He wasn’t like the man who’d raped her mother, forcing his will, his body on her, seeing her as nothing but an object to be taken.

  She was a human being to Cade. A human being with a will and value and worth. And he’d always treated her accordingly. It would be the same now. She knew it.

  Cade’s face twisted with effort, and they were both panting loudly as he entered her fully. He held himself up on his forearms and leaned down enough to kiss her lightly. “Does it hurt?” he asked.

  “No. No. Just tight.” She wrapped her arms around him, and then she bent up her legs around his hips.

  He gasped at the change of position. He was holding on to his control. She could tell. He wanted to take her hard, but he didn’t want to move too fast for her.

  “I’m good,” she said. “Cade, I’m good. I want to—” She pumped her hips up toward him.

  On a guttural sound, he started to thrust, holding on to a tight, steady rhythm. It felt strange and intense and raw and good, and Holly heard herself making loud, helpless sounds on every thrust.

  Cade was making sounds too, his face damp with perspiration and coiled with tension. He didn’t feel exactly like the man she’d known him to be before—intelligent, jaded, imminently civilized. He felt like a primitive creature, claiming its mate.

  She’d never once—in all her life—believed she’d be that mate.

  But she wanted it. Something inside her desperately wanted it. She rocked her hips to meet his thrusts and folded her legs up higher on his sides.

  “Oh fuck,” Cade muttered, adjusting so that more of his weight was on his knees. He moved one hand to hold on to her bottom. “Oh fuck, that’s right. That’s so good. Just like that.”

  Her helpless sounds were getting louder and louder as the emotion and the sensations intensified together. And Cade obviously couldn’t hold back anymore. He took her hard, shaking the bed, shaking both their bodies.

  And then he was shouting out helplessly, his whole body shaking against hers. It was completely overwhelming—to know what he was taking, what he was giving, together with her—and she could feel tears streaming out of her eyes as his body finally started to soften.

  She didn’t think she came. If she did, she wasn’t aware of it. But every nerve ending in her body was buzzing with pleasure—and there was a far deeper pleasure in her heart.

  He collapsed on top of her, kissing her clumsily, raggedly. She kissed him back.

  After a minute, he pulled away to take care of the condom, but he came right back to the bed with her, pulling her into his arms, holding her very tightly.

  It was hot. And dark in the room. And he was trapping her in his arms. She felt a surge of desperate memory, of absolute fear.

  Before she could pull away, he murmured hoarsely, “It doesn’t seem possible.”

  She didn’t know what he meant, and the confusion distracted her from the rising panic. “What doesn’t?”

  “That I’ve known you less than a month.”

  She jerked in surprise. “Really?”

  Of course, it had only been a few weeks. Hardly any time at all. It just felt like she’d known him a lot longer.

  “It’s not possible to fall in love so quickly, is it?”

  She froze, her heart in her throat, at the question. “I… I don’t know.”

  “I don’t know either.” He leaned down to kiss her again.

  It was hot. And dark in the room. And he was still trapping her in his arms.

  But she realized she liked it. She loved it.

  And she didn’t want to get away.

  Fourteen

  Cade took his phone into the bathroom as soon as he woke up the next morning.

  They’d pulled the blackout blinds before they went to bed, so it was still very dark in the room, even though the clock showed it was after seven. So he blinked in the light of the bathroom after he shut the door.

  Holly was still asleep, but he’d experienced a surge of urgency that hit him as soon as he’d opened his eyes.

  He had to tell his agent that he wasn’t going to write this book.

  There was no way—absolutely no way—he could betray Holly that way. He’d been a fool for ever thinking he was capable of something like that.

  Yes, his career mattered to him. His success mattered to him. His desire to prove something to the world, to himself.

  The desire to never be that pitiful little boy again mattered to him. A lot.

  But Holly matter so much more.

  He felt horribly guilty about giving his agent even the smallest sign that he was going to write a book about Holly, and now he had to take it back.

  It was far too early for his agent to be in the office, but he had to do it now. So he called and left a rambling message, telling her he’d been wrong about the book idea, that there was no real story there, that he’d have to find something else to write about.

  He felt like an idiot when he finally disconnected the call—and all his life he’d hated feeling like an idiot—but he also felt like he could breathe again.

  He knew he’d done the right thing at last.

  “Cade?” Holly’s voice came from right outside the bathroom door. It sounded soft, worried.

  “Yeah. I’m in here. Sorry. I thought you were asleep.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He willed himself to keep his tone casual. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  “I don’t know. It just feels like something might be wrong.”

  She was so incredibly perceptive. It was amazing and frustrating at the same time. But he couldn’t stand to hear the crack in her voice. She sounded more than worried.

  He threw open the door.

  She was standing there with messy hair, wearing only his shirt. He wondered how his heart was even capable of feeling the way it did—like he wanted to pull her all the way in
side him and never let her out.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, scanning his face anxiously.

  “I’m fine. Holly, I’m fine.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t lie to me.”

  “I’m not lying.” He was momentarily tempted to tell her the whole truth—that he’d been planning to write a book about her, that he’d made a point of meeting her for that very reason, but then he’d fallen in love with her and realized he wouldn’t hurt her for anything so he’d just made the final decision to never write that book.

  But he couldn’t get the words out—not even the first word.

  She would retreat from him if he told her. She might never open up to him again.

  “I woke up worried about things,” he finally said when she just stood there waiting for an answer. “But I feel better now. I do.”

  She scanned his face for a long moment until she finally relaxed, evidently seeing something on his expression that convinced her. “Okay.”

  Relieved, he pulled her into a hug. “The truth is I’m still kind of blown away by last night.”

  “Me too.” She kissed his chest and then drew away so she could meet his eyes again. “It meant so much to me. It made me believe I… I can be someone other than the person I’ve been all my life. So thank you, Cade.”

  His lips parted slightly as his heart leaped in his chest. “You don’t have to thank me, Holly. It was exactly the same for me. I feel like I’m someone new with you too.”

  Her cheeks reddened slightly, and she lowered her eyes, but not before he saw the flood of joy there. “Oh.”

  He made a rough sound in his throat and drew her back into a hug, murmuring against her hair, “We’re in this together, Holly. All the way.”

  “All the way,” she repeated against his chest. “At the beginning, it didn’t feel so much like we were together because I wasn’t really taking it seriously. I thought it was just something to do for a while. But it’s serious to me now.”

  This time he told her the entire truth. “To me too, Holly. It’s serious to me too.”

  They showered and dressed quickly, ate breakfast in their room, and then started back home.