Surrender (Balm in Gilead Book 2) Read online

  “What’s your point? You’re my partner.” She reached over to take his arm companionably. “I don’t have to try to impress you.”

  “Why do you have to try to impress your parents?”

  She didn’t answer the question, and she let Jeff’s arm slip out of her hand.

  “They’ve got to be proud of you,” Jeff added.

  When she looked over, she saw that his eyes were on her face, even as they walked. She gave a little shrug.

  “They must see everything you’ve accomplished.”

  “Sure.” She tried to smile but didn’t really succeed.

  “What we’re doing is really worthwhile. So many Christians have no idea how to interact with culture—engage it in a way that’s thoughtful and productive and meaningful. They really have no idea how to do it. Instead, they put up artificial walls or else absorb everything without ever thinking it through. We don’t have to run health clinics or schools to do God’s work in the world.”

  She nodded. “I know that.”

  They walked in silence for a minute.

  Then finally Vivian added, “I just don’t know that my parents know it.”

  They’d reached her apartment building, and Jeff pulled to a stop. He turned her around so she was facing him. His hands remained on her shoulders, even after he’d repositioned her body. She gazed up at him, her heart starting to beat strangely, wildly.

  When he didn’t say anything, she swallowed hard. “What?” she asked hoarsely.

  He opened his mouth like he would say something, but then he must have changed his mind.

  “What?” she demanded.

  “I think your parents will see everything you’ve done,” he said at last, after something like reluctance twisted on his face. “But even if they don’t, it doesn’t devalue your work in the world.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you?”

  She nodded because she knew that was the right answer. She had no idea why she felt so trembly and emotional.

  It was strange and unsettling and almost embarrassing.

  They stared at each other for another minute, and for just a moment she was convinced that Jeff was going to slide his hands up into her hair, lean in toward her, maybe even kiss her.

  She was actually holding her breath for it.

  She wanted him to.

  Wanted it desperately.

  Then he gave his head a little shake and took a step back. “All right. Good night.”

  “Good night. Thanks for walking back with me.”

  “Anytime.”

  He waited until she’d gotten inside before he started back down to the parking garage he used.

  Vivian took a few deep breaths and pulled herself together.

  She must be tired. And maybe kind of emotional after her talk with her parents.

  She’d never responded to Jeff this way before.

  She relied on him for everything. She certainly wasn’t going to be foolish enough to let a few stray feelings get in the way of the good of her company.

  She’d turned thirty last year. She was single. She had no children. She hadn’t committed her life to the kind of service her family believed in.

  Her work was the only thing she had to show for her life in this world.

  ***

  Two days later, she and Jeff were in his old Mercedes on their way down the Outer Banks of North Carolina toward The Balm in Gilead Center for Rest.

  Jeff had been the one who had heard about this place—a spiritual and physical rest and retreat center—and he’d been the one to convince her to come visit it as a possible location for a company retreat. He’d been the one to insist that the retreat last an entire week instead of the three days she’d suggested.

  Because it had been his idea—and because she had no time to tackle it herself—she’d given the retreat to him to plan and organize after she’d signed off on the concept.

  Now she was regretting the decision. Jeff was being very quiet about what he had planned for the week.

  “So what’s the agenda?” she asked at last. They were only twenty minutes from their destination now, and he hadn’t mentioned anything about the schedule, so she had no choice but to ask directly.

  He glanced over at her briefly before turning back to the road. “Agenda?”

  “Yes. The agenda. You’re the one who’s planning this thing. Am I allowed to know the agenda?”

  “Sure. It’s just that there’s no real agenda.” He wasn’t looking at her, and his voice was light and casual.

  She found both things very suspicious, very unlike Jeff. “What do you mean there’s no agenda. You were supposed to plan the retreat.”

  “I have. But it’s a real retreat. It’s not a weeklong business meeting in a nice location, which is what a lot of companies call retreats. We’re here to rest and refresh ourselves. We’re not here to get things done.”

  “Okay. I get that, and I’m okay with it—although I think it would be fine if we do some brainstorming and future planning while we’re here.”

  “Maybe we will. But I’m not planning it in as a thing to get done.”

  His chin was sticking out in that stubborn way he had. Vivian sighed. “Okay. Fine. But we’re still going to have to do something to fill up our days. What exactly are we going to be doing for a whole week?”

  “The rules of the center require anyone who stays there to do a certain number of physical activities a week and a certain number of creative activities a week. So we’ll do things like swim, play tennis, paint, or whatever. They have all kinds of options.”

  “Okay. That will take us about three hours a day. What are we going to do with the rest of our time?”

  “Hang out. Read. Rest. Relax. Lay on the beach.”

  She rolled her eyes. “So basically we’re paying for the whole staff to have a weeklong vacation.”

  “Exactly.” Jeff gave her a quick little smile. “We get the vacation too though. You haven’t had one in four years.”

  “I was in Paris just a few months ago.”

  “But you were doing stuff for Faith and Fabulousness the whole time. You haven’t really taken time off in years.”

  “And what about you? You haven’t had a vacation in…” She thought back. “Almost three years.”

  The last vacation he’d taken had been with his wife. They’d gone to the Cayman Islands.

  He hadn’t taken a vacation since, although she was sure he’d really needed one after the divorce.

  “I need the rest too,” he said.

  She studied his face, his intentionally casual expression. Then she sucked in a breath. “Did you plan this whole thing just to get me to take some time off?”

  A quick flicker of his brown eyes proved that she was at least partly correct in her suspicion. But he said dryly, “Don’t overestimate your own importance. As if I would spend all this time and money just to get you to relax.”

  She shook her head, feeling strangely fluttery for no good reason.

  She worked a lot. She knew she did. And the nature of their work led to a good deal of stress. But she also loved what she did and didn’t want to be doing anything else. She wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown or anything.

  She didn’t need an intervention or a forced vacation.

  It felt strange to her that Jeff would have gone to such an effort for her. It made her feel very… fluttery.

  “What?” Jeff demanded, shooting her looks of close scrutiny.

  She shook away the flutters and made a face at him. “I’ll play along,” she said. “I’ll be part of his retreat. All of us have been kind of stressed lately, so I suppose it will be good for us. But I’m not any more stressed than anyone else.”

  “I never said you were.”

  “And I don’t need a rest any more than you and the others do.”

  “I never said you did.”

  “And I’m not cutting the budget of any of my projects just to pay for this. The money has to
come out of your budget.”

  “I’ve already planned for that.”

  She wrinkled her nose at him. “You’re going to have to rest and relax this week too, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re not any better at it than I am.”

  “I know that too.”

  She frowned. “Why are you being so agreeable all of a sudden?”

  He gave her an adorable smile. “Maybe I’m already getting into the relaxation mood. I’m going to be completely laid-back this week.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh.

  Jeff was a lot of things—and most of them good—but he wasn’t any more laid-back than she was.

  ***

  Vivian had met Cecily Evans, the director of Balm in Gilead, on the two times when she and Jeff had come to check out the place before they’d made the decision to use it for their retreat. Cecily was a few years older than Vivian and was very attractive with ash-blond hair, a slim figure, and a prim, old-fashioned style that Vivian really liked.

  Not that Vivian could pull off the style herself, but she liked it on the other woman.

  Cecily greeted them when they arrived, wearing a pretty, pink blouse and pencil skirt, and she gave them each a folder with information on the center. Grace and Mel were already here, and the rest of the staff would be coming later.

  The building had formerly been a luxury hotel, and it was still in excellent condition, decorated with an elegant beachy style with a lovely tile floor and tasteful art on the wall. Vivian’s room was on the third floor, right next to Jeff’s. It was large and airy and recently refurnished. It had a large balcony with sweeping views out onto the ocean.

  Vivian was impressed.

  “Thank you,” she said to the man who had carried her luggage up. His name was Zeke, and he was a strange, gruff man with an untrimmed dark beard and the worst taste in clothes she’d ever seen.

  Today he wore a pair of orange shorts and a blue T-shirt that didn’t match at all.

  He grunted, which was more of an answer than she’d ever gotten from him before.

  Jeff had taken his stuff to his own room, but now he walked into hers. “What do you think?” he asked.

  “It’s great,” she told him with a smile. “That view is amazing.”

  Zeke was standing nearby with a silent scowl.

  She shot him a few looks, wondering why he wasn’t leaving. She already knew that tips weren’t allowed at the center, so he couldn’t be waiting for that.

  Jeff arched his eyebrows. “Phones.”

  She groaned softly and slumped a little. One of the rules of the center, she already knew, was no laptop, phones, or electronic devices that connected to the internet were allowed. It was one of the ways to ensure a complete break.

  From the beginning, Vivian had believed the policy was ridiculous.

  “I think it’s a bad idea,” she said, holding her phone protectively.

  “I don’t care what you think. You knew the drill coming here. You might have left your laptop at home, but that’s not enough. You have to give up your phone too.” Jeff had that stubborn look again.

  “What if I don’t use it? I’ll just keep it for emergencies?”

  “Hannah and Derek are covering the office,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “They’ll take care of any emergencies. You said you’d play along.” He held out a hand, palm up. “So hand it over.”

  She groaned again but gave him her phone. Jeff immediately stepped over to Zeke and handed him both Vivian’s phone and Jeff’s own phone.

  Vivian gave him a little sneer.

  “It will be good for you to be disconnected for a little while,” Jeff said.

  Vivian rolled her eyes at him. “Who’s the boss around here anyway?”

  Jeff met her eyes. “You’re not the boss of me.”

  For some reason the texture in his voice gave Vivian little shivers up and down her spine. She was hit with a wave of attraction that came out of nowhere and was completely inappropriate.

  She liked Jeff. More than almost anyone. And she thought he was very cute in his own way.

  But he wasn’t her type of guy. She usually went for stylish, successful men, most of whom eventually proved to be assholes. Plus Jeff was her business partner, which meant he was completely off-limits for her.

  She couldn’t be indulging these waves of attraction for him.

  She really needed to get them under control.

  “You okay?” Jeff asked softly, although Zeke and his scowl had already left the room.

  “Yes,” she said, just slightly breathless. “Of course. I just didn’t want to give up my phone.”

  His forehead was wrinkled, as if he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t push the subject. “I’ll stop by in an hour so we can go down to dinner together,” he said.

  She nodded, giving him a bright smile. Her game face. “Sounds good.”

  Jeff still looked a little confused, a little suspicious, but thankfully he left the room.

  She waited until the door had closed with a click. Then she put her purse on the table near the window.

  She’d known what she would have to do when she came to this place. She’d known she would have to give up her phone.

  But she was good at planning, and she wasn’t good at going along with things that didn’t make sense to her.

  She opened a small zipper pocket of her purse and pulled out another smartphone.

  She wasn’t going to go a week without a phone. She would just have to keep it secret and only take it out when no one else was around.

  If there was anything she did well, it was make things happen the way she wanted them.

  Jeff really should have known better.

  Two

  The next morning, Jeff knocked on Vivian’s door, wondering if there was any way she was really going to rest and relax this week.

  He knew her pretty well, and he assumed the most likely scenario would be her making a kind of game of it and then taking a lot of pictures, creating a pretty narrative about the week, and writing an article for Faith and Fabulousness about the necessity of rest and relaxation.

  All without ever resting and relaxing herself.

  She opened the door to him with a cheerful smile, looking very pretty and perfectly put together in a casual blue dress and stylish sandals. “Morning,” she said brightly.

  Jeff sighed. The bright, confident, slightly flirtatious manner was typical for her. Her game face, he called it. She wore it like armor—and had since college, when he’d first concluded she was beautiful, brilliant, and untouchable. He knew now that it hid the vulnerability at the heart of her, and sometimes he found it frustrating that she would still try to put on a show for him when she was feeling uncertain about things.

  They knew each other too well for that.

  She must know that she wasn’t fooling him.

  He wished she would be more herself—at least in front of him. He wished she would trust him that much.

  “Are you grumpy this morning?” she asked, her smile fading slightly at his prolonged silence.

  He shook away the futile thoughts. “Of course not.”

  “Then why are you giving me that disapproving look?”

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “So you were trying to keep your disapproving thoughts about me to yourself?”

  He couldn’t help but smile at her clever tone. “Of course not. Why would I disapprove of you?”

  “I don’t know.” She was looking more like herself now as they walked down the hall together. “But I know your disapproving look when I see it.”

  “You’re imagining things.”

  She didn’t answer, but her blue-gray eyes made it clear that she knew better.

  When they reached the lobby, Vivian stepped out of the elevator and nearly collided with Zeke, who was wearing an ugly, striped shirt and his typical scowl.

  “Haven’t you heard of saying excuse me?” she asked, smiling a
nd fluttering her eyelashes at Zeke.

  Zeke made a wordless grumble and stepped into the elevator.

  Vivian laughed softly.

  “You shouldn’t tease the poor guy,” Jeff said.

  “Tease him? I don’t think that guy would know teasing if it hit him over the head.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t flirt with him or whatever you were just doing.”

  “I wasn’t flirting with him,” she said with a frown, taking his arm as they headed into the dining room. “I’ve just decided my mission over the next week is to get that guy to smile.”

  “Why bother?”

  “Because it’s a challenge. What else do I have to do this week?”

  “You can focus on taking it easy and hanging out with the rest of us.”

  She sighed. “You are grumpy this morning. I thought you were going to be Mr. Laid-back this week.”

  Jeff wasn’t by nature a laid-back guy. He worked hard and tried his best and took serious things seriously. Kaylee, his ex-wife, used to say he was a stick-in-the-mud and complain that he didn’t know how to let loose.

  He couldn’t help but wonder if Vivian thought the same of him.

  “I am,” he said. “Mr. Laid-back. That’s me for the week.”

  Vivian just laughed.

  ***

  Jeff and Vivian’s staff consisted of six full-time employees. Grace, smart and perky and in her midtwenties, who was Vivian’s assistant. Melody, always known to the office as Mel, who was in her fifties and handled most of the marketing. Rachel O’Brien, who was an interior decorator by training and a fashion junkie by preference—and her husband, Garrett, who had a degree in professional writing and managed their line of books. Plus Hal, their IT guy, and Vince, Jeff’s assistant.

  The O’Briens were the newest addition to the staff, and they’d been working for Faith and Fabulousness for almost two years. So they all knew each other really well. The staff was really as much like a family as a company, and Jeff knew that Vivian wanted it that way.

  They usually got along quite well, although the occasional spat was inevitable. Vivian usually left it to Jeff to make sure everyone was behaving themselves and doing their job, because she hated conflict and confrontation.

  Vivian was the inspiration, the idea person, the heart and voice behind the company.