Loved None But You Read online

  Anne frowned but still didn’t turn toward him. “This china is almost a hundred years old. I can’t put it in the dishwasher.”

  “A hundred years old? What the hell?”

  “You realize that both Vince and Liz work in antiques, right?” Her voice was pitched with perfect control and just an edge of irony.

  He couldn’t stand the fact that she could care so little about him when it felt like her very presence was making him completely fall apart.

  He scowled again. “Yes, I realize that. I didn’t realize that everything they owned would be antiques though.”

  “Not everything. But these dishes are.”

  “Okay, fine. Then let me dry them at least.”

  “No need.”

  “I’m not going to break them.”

  “I didn’t think you were. But you were having a good time out there, and I don’t need your help in here.”

  He hadn’t been having a good time outside, but he could hardly tell Anne that. He wanted her to think he had been.

  He wanted to believe it himself.

  He didn’t say anything. Just dragged a stool over so he wouldn’t have to keep his balance so long on his bad leg and sat down on the stool as he picked up a dry dish towel.

  He dried the dishes as Anne washed them, and he was careful not to drop or break any of the pieces.

  Anne didn’t say anything as they worked.

  He wanted to say something. Casual. Maybe slightly dismissive. Just proof that he wasn’t as uptight about seeing her again as he felt.

  But he couldn’t think of anything.

  So he didn’t end up saying a word, and they finished the dishes in silence.

  Three

  FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, Anne tried to focus on her work. Her business was going as well as could be expected with a number of new campaigns coming in. They were all small, and she had to do all the grunt work herself, but she didn’t mind. Having the freedom to be her own boss made even the tediousness of ad building and making adjustments for CPC fulfilling.

  She had plenty to be excited about. Plenty to fill her mind. And most of the time she was able to keep her thoughts from drifting toward Robert.

  She saw him occasionally. Because she was working from home now, she was around a lot more often than she used to be, and Robert was around a lot too. They often saw each other in passing. She always managed to give him a polite nod or wave, and he did the same for her. They didn’t talk, however.

  It was painful. To be like strangers now when they’d been so close before.

  Anne wasn’t a fool though. She knew not to expect miracles after a relationship had been broken as badly as theirs had been.

  This was as good as it was likely to get with Robert, so she needed to get used to it.

  At least she had her business to think about. She was constantly making tweaks to her website and searching for new places to promote her services. Last week, Em had suggested she tap into the book promotion market. (Because Em had a popular account on Instagram, she was always getting hit up by authors and PR companies and knew there was a good market there.) So Anne had done some research and developed a new set of packages focused on social media advertising for books. She already had her first author lined up.

  She’d rearranged her bedroom to give herself dedicated workspace, and she was sitting at her desk putting together a Facebook ad campaign for one of her new clients when her phone rang.

  She stared at the screen for several seconds before she connected the call.

  It was her father.

  She really didn’t want to talk to him right now.

  But she’d avoided his calls for the past couple of days, and she couldn’t do it indefinitely. She might as well get it over with now.

  “Hey, Dad,” she said, smiling so there would be a smile in her voice.

  “I left you a couple of messages. You didn’t call back.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy.”

  “Mary says you’ve been working nonstop.”

  She hadn’t actually been working nonstop, but she’d been working at different times throughout the day. She’d also used her work as an excuse a few times to get out of waiting on Mary too much. So Anne wasn’t surprised that her sister had reported to their father that Anne was working all the time. “There’s a lot to do with a new business.”

  “And most of it is grunt work that’s completely beneath you. I really don’t understand what you were thinking in giving up such a good job.”

  “We’ve been over it and over it, Dad. I’m a lot happier now than I was two months ago. I made the right decision for me.”

  “I know you think so now, but I’m afraid you’re going to regret it soon. A good job isn’t something to just throw away.”

  Anne had to fight to keep her tone patient. “I didn’t throw it away. I did what was best for me.”

  She said the words, knowing as she did that her father would never understand. He’d always placed his identity in his profession—on his success and reputation as a doctor—and he’d raised his daughters the same way. Anne knew very well that her father and sisters had thought going into marketing wasn’t as important or impressive as going into medicine, but they’d contented themselves in the fact that she’d at least gotten a good job.

  Now she didn’t even have that.

  A lot of the work she was currently doing could be done by untrained people. No matter how many clients she took on, they would never be impressed.

  It didn’t even make her sad anymore. She was used to it. They were her family and she loved them, but she’d never be able to get emotional sustenance from them the way some people did from their families.

  She had good friends who believed in her.

  They were enough.

  “Anyway,” her father said, evidently hearing something in her tone because he didn’t pursue the topic of her work any further. “What else is going on in your life?”

  Anne searched for an easy answer to the familiar question. She knew he wanted concrete events rather than emotions, so she struggled to think of some to share with him. “Jane and Charlie are getting married next weekend, so that’s exciting.”

  “Jane is one of the Berkleys?”

  “Yes. The oldest one.”

  “Oh yes. She’s a very attractive, intelligent-looking girl. Very professional.”

  All her life, Anne’s father had put a lot of stock into looking and acting professional. It bothered her sometimes, since professionalism was such a subjective and biased standard of judging other people, but nothing she could say would ever change his attitude. She’d stopped trying a long time ago. “She’s a great person. So is Charlie. I’m happy for them. And then Liz and Vince Darcy get married about a month later.”

  “A busy time then. I assume you aren’t thinking in that direction since you’re starting from scratch in your career.”

  One thing that could be said about her father was that he’d never pressured her to get married or find a man. He was much more invested in career than he was in domesticity. “I’m not even dating anyone right now.”

  “Just as well. It’s a shame you have to start over, and I hope you won’t regret it. But work hard and we’ll see what happens.”

  Anne shook her head. “We’ll see.”

  She glanced over at a motion out the window and saw Robert walking down a path with his cane, wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt. He was sweating and flushed, so he’d obviously been physically exerting himself.

  He did a lot of walking and exercising of his bad leg. Anne sometimes worried that he was doing too much—that he was pushing himself too hard to recover—but he had made improvements in the weeks since he’d arrived. He was no longer on crutches. He was moving more easily.

  It was promising. That his injury might not be permanent. But watching him work so hard made her chest ache.

  He was trying so hard. And she knew instinctively it was prompted by a help
less fear that his leg would never fully recover. He’d always been so physically strong, competent, used to having his body do whatever he wanted it to do.

  She wondered if he had anyone who he truly confided in.

  He used to confide in her, but that was a long time ago.

  THE NEXT DAY, ANNE was taking a walk around the Pemberley House property when she ran into Robert.

  Not literally. She was following one of the paths, and he was sitting on a lounge chair in one of the seating groups that were scattered around the grounds and gardens. But it was just ten in the morning, and most of the Pemberley House residents weren’t hanging around at this time of day, so Anne hadn’t been expecting to see anyone. She was so surprised on seeing him as she turned a corner that she jerked and made a gasping sound.

  He’d been sitting hunched over, but he stiffened abruptly at her appearance.

  They stared at each other as she drew closer. Part of her was tempted to turn around and go back the way she’d come, but that would be silly.

  It was totally fine to run into him occasionally. She just hadn’t been expecting to see him right now, and so she wasn’t emotionally prepared.

  “Hi,” she said, striving to sound natural.

  He gave her a strained smile—one that looked almost pained.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, her instinctive concern at his appearance overriding her discomfort.

  “Yeah. Fine.”

  She stopped beside him, studying his damp face and pallor. “Is it your leg?”

  “Yes. It’s annoying.”

  She knew well what the mild comment was hiding. He was in pain right now. Real pain. And he was shrugging it off as annoying.

  The knowledge bothered her so much she didn’t consider whether this was any of her business or not. “Does it hurt all the time?”

  “Not all the time. Just when I... use it.” His expression was still slightly twisted, but it was from physical discomfort and not because he wanted her to leave. At the moment, he appeared more open than she’d seen him since he’d arrived at Pemberley House.

  “What does the doctor say?”

  “He says it’s improving at a normal rate.”

  “But not fast enough for you?”

  He sighed and shook his head, just a hint of a smile on his lips. “Not fast enough for me. He and my physical therapist keep telling me I’m overworking it.”

  “Maybe that’s a sign that you are.” She kept her voice light since she didn’t want him to think she was trying to interfere in his life.

  He rolled his eyes. “Now you sound like my brother.”

  “Maybe he’s not wrong.”

  Robert rubbed some of the sweat from his face. He looked better now. Like he wasn’t in as much pain. Maybe he’d had the time he needed to recover. Or maybe he was just distracted by the conversation. “He’s not. But there’s a difference in knowing something and being able to act on it. And I can’t help but feel like if I don’t keep pushing myself, I’ll never get back to where I was.”

  “Does the doctor think you will?”

  “He doesn’t know. No one does.”

  She could hear the faint helplessness in his tone, and it spoke to her deeply. She wanted to rub his neck, stroke his face, somehow comfort him. She wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. “If you don’t get back to where you were, will you have to get out of the Navy?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But if I’m not at full capacity, then they’d have to give me different sorts of jobs. And probably not the kind I want.”

  She nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry. But hopefully you’ll get back to where you were soon. Just try not to overdo it. That might actually make it worse.”

  “I know.” The words were almost a groan, and he rubbed his face again. Then he straightened up, clearly trying to push aside whatever discouragement he was feeling. “But it’s easier said than done.”

  “I know it is.” She paused. “How did you injure it? Liz said you were getting out of a helicopter or something?”

  “Yeah. That’s all it was.” His tone was very dry. “It wasn’t any sort of covert mission or heroic rescue or anything important. It was just a stupid mistake. Nothing remotely heroic.”

  She could see that that was grating on him too. She paused and thought for a minute before she said quietly, “You don’t need to have been saving someone for the injury to be important. You were doing your job, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you were injured serving your country in a way that most people aren’t willing to do. It still means something. It’s still a sacrifice.”

  He met her gaze for a long time, and something finally softened in his eyes. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  “Not maybe. For sure. You’re still a hero, Robert.” Her voice broke on the last words, and she suddenly wished she hadn’t said them. They were true. She meant them completely. But she wasn’t supposed to feel that way about him anymore. They didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore.

  Robert was staring at her like she’d grown a second head.

  She was so upset by her admission and his obvious surprise that she sought a quick escape. “Anyway, I bet there’s a good chance of getting all the way better. Just give it some time and don’t overdo it.”

  Even her attempt at casual conversation sounded too intimate. She gave him a quick, awkward wave and turned to keep walking, speeding up so she’d be out of sight of him as fast as possible.

  She was almost in tears for no good reason, and she was also embarrassed.

  And she couldn’t help but wonder what Robert thought of the conversation they’d just had.

  A FEW DAYS LATER, ROBERT was lifting free weights near the windows of the condo and pretending not to eavesdrop on the conversation going on in the living room.

  He was determined to stay in good shape, despite the injury to his leg, so he worked his upper body with free weights regularly and did whatever he could to keep his good leg strong. He went to physical therapy four times a week. He was moving better now. He’d finally gotten rid of the crutches and could get around with just a cane. But he still felt helpless and not like himself.

  The only time he’d felt good about himself in the past weeks was that brief conversation with Anne on the walking path.

  She’d said she thought he was a hero. She’d appeared to mean it.

  He kept replaying the conversation in his mind. Her earnest expression. The break in her voice. The way she’d been looking at him.

  Maybe he wasn’t as useless as he felt most of the time now.

  He was definitely bored, however. Without real work to keep him busy, all he had to fill his mind was his recovery and Anne.

  He normally wouldn’t have cared about a random conversation between his brother and Charlie, but the tones had sounded concerned, so Robert had stopped grunting and panting enough to hear what they were saying.

  Vince was asking, “Is his dad okay?”

  “I don’t think so. It sounds serious. His dad is in intensive care, so it doesn’t look like there’s any chance of him flying all the way out here this weekend.”

  Charlie and Jane’s wedding was coming up this weekend, so Robert assumed that was the purpose of the trip of the unnamed “he.”

  “So what should we do?” Vince asked. “You’ll be short a groomsman if he can’t make it.”

  That completed the context for Robert. Evidently one of Charlie’s groomsmen might not be able to make it to the wedding because his father was in the hospital.

  “I guess I’ll have to find a replacement,” Charlie said. “But it’s hard because what if his dad gets better and he can make it after all? Then I’d have an extra groomsman. It would be pretty shitty to ask someone to fill in and then say, whoops, I don’t need you after all.”

  Robert didn’t know Charlie well. He was an elementary school teacher and seemed attached at the hip to Liz’s sister, Jane. But in the past month he’d discove
red the man was a really nice guy and always sensitive to other people’s feelings. Robert wasn’t surprised he sounded so torn about his dilemma.

  Then Robert heard himself saying, “I can do it.”

  Vince and Charlie both turned in his direction in surprise. Robert had been visible to them, but they hadn’t been paying him any attention. He’d just been part of the furniture, the background, as he’d felt for the past few weeks.

  At their questioning looks, Robert explained, “I can fill in if you need me to. And then if your friend can make it after all, you won’t have to feel bad about telling me you don’t need me after all. I wouldn’t mind being on call.”

  Charlie’s worried face relaxed. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  “Of course not. As long as you don’t mind me standing up there with a cane.”

  “That’s no problem at all. You’d be doing us a big favor.”

  “I don’t mind.” Robert gave a wry laugh. “I’m actually relieved to be of some use to someone for a while.”

  Vince frowned. “You’re getting better. You don’t have to be use—”

  “I know.” Robert interrupted, realizing he’d revealed too much of his frustration and his brother was going to worry about it. “I know. I didn’t mean that. I just meant it’s been kind of boring lately, and this will give me something to do. If you don’t think Jane would mind me being on call if you need an extra body.”

  “I’m sure Jane would be happy for your help. She’ll want the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. She’s got four, so I need four too.”

  It was only then that Robert realized what he might have just jumped into.

  Bridesmaids.

  Four of them.

  He suddenly realized who one of them probably was.

  “Hers are Liz and Riot and Em and Anne,” Charlie continued. “And I’ve got my brother and Vince and another friend from college. So I’ll need one to replace Mark if he can’t make it.”

  Anne.

  If he helped Charlie out with this, he’d be in the wedding with Anne. He didn’t know why his heart had to give such a leap at the idea of being close to her like that.