The Mission Read online

  She’d acted on instinct. Some sort of bone-deep need to have Keith. Take him. Connect with him. It was something she never would have done had she been thinking more and feeling less.

  Her body tightened with a different kind of tension as reality gradually processed in her mind.

  Keith must have felt it. He’d had his arms wrapped around her tightly, but now he loosened them and shifted a bit. “Y’okay?” His voice still had that slightly rough texture that made it sound intimate. Tender.

  “Yes.” She sniffed and took stock of herself physically. She felt a faint soreness between her legs from Keith’s hand, but he hadn’t been rough, so it was an entirely pleasant sensation. Her face felt too hot. Her hair was sticking to the skin of her neck and cheeks. And her foot was in a strange position.

  But overall she felt incredibly good. Like she’d gotten what she’d been wanting for a long time.

  She was also very embarrassed.

  Clearing her throat, she maneuvered herself off Keith’s lap, folding her legs beneath her. She wanted to hug herself, but she resisted the impulse. “Keith, I...”

  She had absolutely no idea what she wanted to say.

  How the hell could she remedy this situation? This was Keith. Her school friend. One of the bedrocks of her life. And she’d never once let herself consciously think about him sexually.

  Much less act on it.

  What if a moment’s impulse destroyed everything they had?

  “Here’s what I think,” Keith said, mild in a way that soothed her nerves.

  She straightened up and dared a look at his face.

  He didn’t look nervous at all. Not upset or worried or confused. He gave her his little smile. “Neither one of us planned for that to happen. So we don’t know what it means right now. But what we do know is that the worst thing for both of us would be for this to pull us apart.”

  “Yes.” She nodded, the clench in her chest loosening slightly. “We can’t let that happen.”

  “So we won’t.”

  “You think we can—”

  “I think we can do anything we want to do.” He tilted his head, his gaze warm and understanding and something else beneath it. Something almost... excited. “You’re scared and confused. I can see it. But you don’t have to be. There’s nothing for us to be worried about. For now, we’ll act like this was a onetime thing. And if you decide you want to do it again—or do more—just let me know. Otherwise, no pressure or expectations or hurt feelings or anything else that would interfere with our friendship.”

  She gaped at him. Literally gaped. “You think we can do that?”

  He gave a half shrug. “Why not? If I’m not worried about it, why should you be?”

  “You’d be okay with that?”

  “With what?”

  “With just waiting to see...”

  He reached out to touch her cheek very lightly. “Of course I’m okay with that. What did you think I’d do? Demand that you change years of established friendship overnight, even though it might turn your whole life upside down? Just because I want you to?”

  She gulped as she worked through what he’d just said. “So you do... you do want us to...?”

  He smiled again. “Of course I want us to. You already knew that.”

  She had known it. She’d never admitted it to herself, but she’d known it for a while now. It was why she’d had to avoid the subject in her own mind—it threatened to terrify her. It was that invisible weight on her shoulders, the one she’d never been able to shrug off. “Oh.”

  She was silent for a moment as she processed how she felt and whether she was okay with the situation as he’d laid it out. When she darted a glance up at him, she caught that deep, soulful look in his eyes—like he yearned for her—but only momentarily before the dry understanding took its place.

  “I’m fine, Serena,” he said. “If it’s me you’re worried about, you don’t have to be.”

  “I do worry about you. I don’t want you hurt.”

  “Do I look hurt?”

  “No,” she admitted, finally relaxing enough to smile back at him. “You look kind of happy.”

  He laughed and leaned over to give her a brief, one-armed hug. “I am happy. I had a good time tonight, and I always love being with you. But I have no expectations of anything else, so you’re not going to hurt my feelings if you decide you’re not ready for anything more. Just think about it. Live with it a while. See what you want to do.”

  She nodded, hardly believing it could be this easy. She’d always assumed introducing sex to their friendship would blow everything they had out of the water. “Okay. Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being so great. About everything. And also for tonight.” Her cheeks warmed even more. “I had a good time too.”

  “All right. So we’ll leave it at that. You want to hang out more?”

  “N-no. I’m kind of tired now. And befuddled. I think I’ll head home if that’s all right.”

  “Of course it’s all right.” He still had that secret little smile on his face, like he knew things she couldn’t possibly know and he was thrilled about them.

  It should have annoyed her, but it didn’t. It made her feel better. If he was good with this, then she could be too.

  “Good night, Serena,” he said as they stood up.

  “Good night.” She looked at him for a moment, wondering what she should do.

  He did it for her. He reached out to hug her. Not sexual or intimidating, but warm and fond and real.

  So real.

  He was real. And dear. And human.

  And she loved him so much.

  They would be okay. They had to be.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said, finally pulling away.

  “Sounds good. Sleep well.”

  She wasn’t sure she would sleep at all, but she did.

  She slept better than she had in a really long time.

  SHE WOKE UP AT EIGHT the following morning when her phone buzzed with a text.

  It took her a minute to orient herself to where she was, where Eva was, and what day it was. She wasn’t used to sleeping so deeply, and the transition into waking startled her.

  The previous evening hit her like a shock of cold water when she saw the text was from Keith.

  Thinking about a hike today since it’s so nice out. Want to come?

  Of course she wanted to. She loved hiking on cool, sunny days, and she’d love to spend the day with Keith since Eva wasn’t around. But she hesitated before she replied.

  Was this smart? Was it wise? Was it safe? She absolutely refused to do anything that might jeopardize her friendship with Keith—and thus the stability of her life and Eva’s. And after the heat and intensity of last night, it might be better to take a step back today and reassess.

  But as she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she had to conclude that she didn’t have any bad feelings about yesterday. Yes, it had been a lot. And yes, it was kind of scary. But it wasn’t a horrifying scariness. It was a thrilling one.

  And he’d made it so safe for her afterward that it seemed silly and immature to avoid him today.

  She wasn’t going to do it. He deserved better from her. She wanted to go on a hike with him, so she was going to do it.

  Sure. Sounds good. What time?

  Whenever you’re ready.

  I’m just getting up. Give me 30 min.

  Got it.

  She smiled at the texts. Like a doofus. Then she rolled out of bed and headed for the coffeepot.

  Since she didn’t need to wash her hair today and do any elaborate primping, she was tying her shoes when Keith knocked a half an hour later.

  He grinned at her, warm and relaxed and so good-looking in his jeans and light gray crewneck that she had a brief moment of paralysis.

  He cocked his head to one side, his smile turning to scrutiny. “You okay?”

  “Of course I’m okay.”

&nbs
p; “You’re not going to be weird about last night, are you?”

  She gave him a faint scowl. “Of course not. Are you?”

  “Do I look weird?”

  “No,” she admitted glumly. “You look hot.” When she heard what she’d said, she made a little jerk. “I mean—”

  He laughed uninhibitedly as he stepped into her apartment. “Don’t you dare take it back. What a way to start the day.”

  She kind of wanted to laugh herself despite her fluster, but instead she managed a disapproving frown. “Just like a man. One hand job and he immediately turns obnoxious.”

  It helped. That he was so clearly unself-conscious. It meant she had no reason to be self-conscious.

  “I’ll work on reining in my obnoxiousness. You ready?”

  “Yeah. Pretty much. How long were you wanting to go? Should I pack some snacks?”

  “The answer to that question is always yes. Do we get to raid Eva’s goody shelf?”

  Serena kept a shelf of her pantry devoted to Eva’s little snack packs. Crackers. Chips. Cookies. Fruit snacks. Keith always liked to investigate the offerings and grab a little bag of something himself.

  Together they picked out a few snacks, and she added a couple of apples and bottles of water from the refrigerator, and then they were ready to go.

  They drove out to a state park that had good hiking trails. From there, they walked a couple of hours through woody hills before they reached a spot with a good view to rest. They found a big tree to lean against as they broke into their food supply.

  Serena was feeling good—with that satisfying tiredness that comes from enjoyable exercise and fresh air. Nothing awkward or strange had happened between her and Keith today. In fact she felt closer to him than ever.

  This was fine. It was all fine. She had nothing to be scared of.

  “How’s Eva doing this weekend?” Keith asked after about five minutes of comfortable silence.

  “She’s fine. I talked to her this morning. Scott always fills his weekends up with activities. Today they’re going to the zoo. So Eva is excited, and she doesn’t know he does it because he doesn’t know how to just hang out with her.”

  “At least it makes the weekends something for her to look forward to. It would be hard if she didn’t want to go visit her dad.”

  “I know. So she’s happy. And Amber tries too hard with Eva, but at least she makes a real effort.” Serena managed to not roll her eyes at the thought of her ex-husband’s less-than-brilliant new girlfriend. “It’s fine. A lot better than it could be, considering how things were when we first got divorced.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad it’s gotten better. I know how hard you had to work to make that happen.”

  He sounded like he meant it. They were sitting quite close, and she loved the outdoorsy scent of him—like dirt and sunshine and Keith. She leaned her head against his shoulder in a spontaneous affectionate gesture.

  He wrapped his arm around her and kept it there.

  She could smell him more than ever now. His body was hot and firm. She couldn’t help but love how it felt.

  “This doesn’t feel strange to you?” she asked after a minute.

  “What?”

  “This.” She nodded down toward the way they were sitting together. “You know what I mean. It doesn’t feel strange to you?”

  “No,” he said slowly, as if he were thinking through his response. “It feels good.” After a pause, he added, “Are you feeling weird? Because I can back off—”

  “No. You don’t need to back off. I was just thinking it’s weird that it doesn’t feel very weird. If that makes any sense.”

  “It’s not that different than the way were together before, Serena. It doesn’t have to mean everything in your world is different. We’re still the same. We’re still just as close as before. All we’re doing different is touching more than we used to.”

  “I guess so.” She choked on a little giggle. “You’ve got this down pretty well.”

  “Got what down?”

  “Playing it real cool so you don’t spook me.”

  He chuckled and tightened his arm. “You don’t seem very spooked to me.”

  “Yeah. I guess not. But I could be at any moment. So you better watch it.” She grinned and tried not laugh, warmed by his answering smile.

  His gaze heated as he looked down at her, and her breath hitched at the shift.

  “I’m going to kiss you in about ten seconds,” he murmured. “So if you don’t want that, let me know.”

  “I... I...” It wasn’t hard to process her feelings. “I think I’d be okay with that.”

  “Good.” He leaned down and brushed her lips with his, causing all the nerve endings in her body to jump to attention. Then he tilted his head farther to the side and kissed her a little harder. Longer. He caressed the line of her lips with his tongue.

  Serena’s blood was pulsing everywhere as she tangled her fingers in his hair and softened against him.

  It felt so good.

  It was so inexplicable—that kissing him felt so good.

  She would have been perfectly content to kiss him for a lot longer—even out here in the open air and sunshine. But he pulled back after a minute with a little smile.

  “Is that all?” she asked rather stupidly.

  He laughed and pushed himself up to his feet, extending a hand down toward her. “That’s all for now. No sense in moving too fast.”

  She appreciated that he was being careful, but her body was suddenly alive, wanting to feel a lot more of him.

  Surely moving a little faster wouldn’t be the end of the world.

  KEITH WAS ON SUCH A high that he wasn’t sure he’d ever come down.

  This morning he’d woken up brimming with anticipation and had to talk himself down by reviewing all the reasons why things with Serena could fall apart at any moment. She wasn’t sure of this yet. She was worried about ruining their friendship. She was wounded by her difficult marriage. They needed to go slow or she would get scared and pull away.

  But she’d gone on the hike with him. She hadn’t run away the way she might have. And when they’d gotten home, she’d said she needed to shower and rest some but had added with a shy upward glance that maybe she’d see him later.

  Keith’s head was close to exploding with joy as he walked over to his own apartment. Everything was going so well in such a tricky situation that a smart man would be expecting the floor to drop out beneath his feet at any minute.

  But maybe it wouldn’t.

  Maybe they could actually do this.

  He decided a shower was a good idea, so he took one before he stretched out on his couch, listening to music and scrolling on his phone. He was too distracted and jittery to focus on watching anything or working on a project, so he killed time, mostly just imagining what they would say and do when he saw Serena later tonight.

  A knock on his door a couple of hours later surprised him. He hadn’t been expecting Serena so early.

  When he opened his door, he found her in tears.

  “What is it?” he demanded. “Is Eva okay?”

  “Yes. She’s fine.” Her face was red and blotchy. Her eyes swollen. And a couple of tears streamed down her face as he watched. “It’s... It’s...”

  When she couldn’t get the words out, he stepped out of the doorway to let her in. They ended up on the couch together before Serena had controlled herself again. “I’m sorry,” she managed to get out. “I don’t mean to be such a mess.”

  “You’re not a mess,” he said, sliding one arm around her since she looked so small and broken. “Just tell me what’s going on because you’re starting to scare me.”

  “I am a mess. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I was just talking to Scott on the phone, and for some reason I had a breakdown.”

  He exhaled in relief at this explanation for what happened. It wasn’t good. Serena was really upset. But at least people’s lives weren’t at risk. “W
hat did he say?”

  She sniffed and leaned against him, evidently finding it easier to talk when she wasn’t looking directly at his face. “He wanted Eva to stay with him next weekend. Just out of the blue. For no particular reason. I’m happy to give him two weekends a month, but he hasn’t wanted that in ages. So I said we can add a second weekend if he wants, but not next weekend. She’s already planning to go to my mom’s next weekend because I’ll be busy with all the bridesmaid stuff for Amanda’s wedding. I don’t know why he even got it in his head. He’s supposed to go to the wedding next weekend too, so maybe he’s just looking for an excuse to get out of it. But I told him not next weekend. If he wants another weekend, we need to plan it advance. It can’t just be spur of the moment, whenever he feels like it. It messes up our schedule, and it would be hard on Eva not to know what to expect. Anyway, he got all mean and sarcastic. You know how he is. And then he pretends he’s not doing anything and I’m overreacting because I’m a silly, sensitive little girl.”

  She had control of herself now. She wasn’t shaking or sobbing. But he could hear the tears in her voice still, and he had to stifle a sudden wave of rage at her bastard of an ex-husband.

  He couldn’t fathom having a family as amazing as Serena and Eva and then treating them like garbage. He’d give anything to have them in his life that way.

  He stroked her back and her hair and tried to think of something helpful to say.

  “I’m sorry,” she added. “I don’t even know why he got to me today. He’s like that all the time, and I can usually just shrug it off. It’s just that it hit me that I spent years of my life with him treating me like that and I just... dealt with it. What was I even thinking?”

  “He wasn’t that bad the whole time.” Keith wouldn’t have defended Scott if he could help it, but it seemed important to remind Serena of the truth. “He got worse as it went on. It wasn’t seven equally bad years.”

  “No. No, you’re right.” She sniffed and straightened up. “That’s true. I was an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.”

  “You weren’t an idiot at all.”

  “But I was... something. Something I don’t like. To stay with a man who made me feel so... small.”